Spam Kebab

My Amusing Spam Collection

Comments and Feedback Your URL / website Your Email Your Comment

Most Boring

Another $25 million from the Nigerians... boring!

By Pauly
From Commercial Bank Reply!!‏
From: Commercial Bank (bankinfo02@yahoo.com.hk)
   
Sent: Mon 3/30/09 3:12 PM
To:  
From the Desk of:
Victor Odilia
Reply me thru this e-mail "odilivictor@aol.com"
 
I wish to seek your assistance for the transfer of US$25M depository made by a foreign investor for an investment programme that has remained dormant for years now. I discovered that the account holder died without making a WILL on the depository.I have secured from the probate an ORDER OF MANDAMUS to locate any of deceased beneficiaries
 
I have made several enquiries to his embassy here in Nigeria to locate any of his Extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful to locate any member of his family. Now the management of the bank has issued a notice to provide the next of kin to claim the funds or they have the account frozen. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for years now.
 
This money cannot be approved to a local bank account holder, but can only be approved to a foreigner. If you will stand as next of kin to the fund, it will be shared 50%/50%. As this is a TWO-man business deal transaction.assuring you a 100% risk free. Your percentage will also be a source of up-liftment. You have absolutely nothing to LOSE in assisting me instead, you have so much to GAIN. Be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us
 
I shall provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. I need your assistance and co-operation to this reality as I have done my Home-work and fine tune the best way to create you as the beneficiary of the fund. My position as the branch manager of the bank will be used to advance this deal.
 
I will like you to provide immediately your full Names and Address, Date of Birth, Occupation, Tel & Fax Numbers so that an Attorney will be able to prepare the necessary documents and affidavit which will put you in place as the next of kin. The Attorney will draft and carry out the notarization of the WILL and also obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer.
 
Finally, I have made an arrangement with an attorney who will work on your behalf and secure all the necessary legal documentation that would indicate you as the Beneficiary of the fund to back up this claim, and this I must do to make sure that this fund is not wasted or end up in the wrong hands.
 
All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us sees this deal through and secures all the legal documents. I guarantee you that this transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and I from any breach of the law.
 
I will appreciate your early reply for commencement of business. Contact me for acknowledgment thru this e-mail"odilivictor@aol.com" and whereby you are not interested; please indicate in your reply so that I can seek for the assistance of someone else.
 
If this proposal is acceptable by you, I expect that you will not take undue advantage of the trust I Will bestow in you. I await your urgent response.
 
Thanks with great regards.
 
Mr. Victor Odilia
Reply me thru this e-mail "odilivictor@aol.com

 

It's official - the world's longest. most boring spam!

By Pauly
YOU MUST READ THIS (OMG... what are you? Tolstoy?)
From:     JOHN STEPHEN (johnstphn337@gmail.com)
Sent:     Wed 12/17/08 10:50 PM
To:     
 
Hi,
 
Please kindly accept my apology for sending unsolicited mail to you. I believe you are a highly respected personality, considering the fact that I sourced your profile from a human resource profile database in your country.Though, I do not know to what extent you are familiar with events.
 
I am MR JOHN STEPHEN Head of Trustee and Depository Institutional Fund Services EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK, I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer, and an investment he placed under our banks management 3years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail.
 
I am contacting you independently and no one is informed of his communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. In 2004, the subject matter came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our Trustee and Depository Institutional Fund Services division EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 14.5 million US DOLLARS, which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf.
 
I was the officer assigned to his account, I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the DE-factor chief operations officer of Trustee and Depository Institutional Fund Services division EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our division.
 
Based on my advice, We spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 6 million United States Dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but the desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments.
 
I informed him that EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK would have to make special arrangements to have this done and in order not to circumvent due process, the bank would have to make a 9.5 % deduction from the funds to cater for banking and statutory charges.
 
He complained about the charges but later came around when I explained to him the complexities of the task he was asking of us. Large cash movements have become especially strict since the incidents of 9/11. I contacted my affiliate and had the funds available as he had requested.
 
I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the latter and had the funds deposited with a security consultancy firm. This security firm is a specially private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash.
 
This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations.
 
In Line with instructions, the money was deposited with them. He told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from Norway later that week.
 
This was the last communication we had,this transpired around 25Th February 2005.
 
I was the only one who knew about the deposit at the security company, and I could not understand why our client had not come forward to claim his deposit. I made futile efforts to locate him, and immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department of EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK.Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently our man was dead.
 
A person who suited his description was declared dead of a heart attack in Cane, South of France.
 
We were soon enough able to confirm all of this including cause of death. The bank immediately launched an investigation into possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also to come forward to claim his estate.
 
If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous. It is quite clear now that our dear fellow died with no known or identifiable family members.
 
This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit.

According to practice, the security company will by the end of MARCH 2008, broadcast a request for statements of claim to EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK, failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit to EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK. This will result in the money entering the EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK accounting system.
 
What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of Trustee and Depository Institutional Fund Services division EQUITORIAL TRUST BANK especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who sit upon certain chairs and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by Now to put together the general direction of what I propose.
 
There is 14,500,000.00 USD deposited in a security company. I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so.
 
This bank has spent great amounts of money trying to track this man's family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. The investigation has come to an end.
 
My proposal; you share similar details to the late fellow; I am prepared to instruct the security company to release the deposit to you as the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am prepared to share the money with you in half.
 
That is: I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. We share the proceeds 45/45,while 10% is been mapped out in case of any expenses as we proceed into this MUTUAL transaction. You with the same very name as the original depositor would easily pass as the beneficiary with right to claim. I assure you that I could have the deposit released to you within a few days.
 
I will simply inform the bank of the final closing of the file relating to our late client. I will then officially communicate with the security company and instruct them to release the deposit to you. With these two things: all is done.
 
The alternative would be for us to have the security company direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder.This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money directly from the security company as it is not a conventional financial institution; they accept deposits from only organizations thus; what you hand over to them is what you get back. They do not have the means to process the money.
 
I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me.
 
I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities.There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking.
 
I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank.
 
I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Lets share the blessing. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me A.S.A.P. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion.
 
Please, again, note I am a family man, I have children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients.
 
Please do not reply if you are less than 30 years  

Do not betray my confidence.
 
Sincerely,
 
MR JOHN STEPHEN
 

 
 

DEALS and COUPONS

Latest Spam


Get email updates

URL

Spam Categories


Shop Cool Stuff

Accessories
Automotive
Sports & Outdoors

Animals
Toys & Hobbies

Audio
Automotive
Cell Phones & Accessories
Computers & Networking
Electronics & Tools
Flashlights & Lamps
Health & Beauty
Home, Office & Garden
Men Clothing
Sports & Outdoors
Toys & Hobbies
Women Clothing

Bed/Bath
Home, Office & Garden

Body Building/Fitness
Sports & Outdoors

Camera
Cell Phones & Accessories

Car Audio
Automotive

Card/Casino
Toys & Hobbies

Cleaning/Care
Home, Office & Garden

Cosmetics
Health & Beauty

Educational
Toys & Hobbies

Fishing
Sports & Outdoors

Garden
Flashlights & Lamps
Home, Office & Garden

Hardware
Computers & Networking

Home D?cor
Flashlights & Lamps
Home, Office & Garden

Home Improvement
Home, Office & Garden

Kitchen
Home, Office & Garden

Luggage
Sports & Outdoors

Medical
Health & Beauty

Mens
Health & Beauty
Shoes & Bags

Misc.
Toys & Hobbies

Motorcycles
Automotive

Musical
Toys & Hobbies

Outdoor
Toys & Hobbies

Outdoors/Camping
Flashlights & Lamps
Sports & Outdoors

Pets
Home, Office & Garden

Repair
Automotive

Skating
Sports & Outdoors

Swimming
Sports & Outdoors

Video
Electronics & Tools

Womens
Shoes & Bags